


"I'll Be Fine"

by GoldExperience



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, sorry about this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 16:28:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6016474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldExperience/pseuds/GoldExperience
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hide despised hearing those words come out of Kaneki's mouth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"I'll Be Fine"

The sun shone brightly in the clear blue sky, a slight breeze occasionally passing through. The day was beautiful, and Hide was basking in its glory. He took the long way to school, wanting to spend as much time as possible outside before being cooped up in school for another day. He basked in the nice weather, a spring in his step and a small smile on his face.

As he neared the school, familiar raven black hair came into view. Immediately after spotting him, Hide ran up to him and tackled the smaller boy. He was excited to have another day with his best friend by his side, but something seemed a little.... different? Kaneki was slumped over a little, in contrast to how he usually held himself, and he looked pretty tired, like he hadn't slept much. Hide asked if everything was alright, a little worried about his friend, but all he responded with was,

"I'll be fine." 

He was still a little skeptical, but decided against pressing the issue. Maybe it was just a bad night for him, and he needed some time to himself? Hide reassured himself that everything would be alright, and he was just overthinking everything.

Still, the memory kept nagging at him.

\---

It's been a week, and Hide thought everything was back to normal. After that day, Kaneki seemed a little better, and he was relieved to know the boy was in higher spirits. He absentmindedly started tapping his pencil on his desk, waiting for Kaneki to walk in the classroom. More and more students poured in, and he was still nowhere to be found. He knew it was a stupid thing to be paranoid about, class hasn't even started yet! But, Kaneki was always there bright and early, reading his books and preparing for the day.

A sigh of absolute relief escaped Hide as he saw the bookworm enter the class, but the calm didn't last for long. He looked even worse than last week, his hair was all over the place, and he was very clearly upset. Hide also noted that he was wearing a heavy sweater, though it was very warm out that day, he even left his signature jacket at home! The incident from last week came back to him, and now he really thinks something is wrong.

Kaneki silently takes his seat next to Hide. He's very clearly shaking, and the other wants nothing more than to hug him, but now doesn't seem like the best time. Class is about to start and Hide wants to say something, anything, to break the silence, but before he can, he sees it. Kaneki reaches for something in his bag, the sleeve of his sweater rides up, and damaged skin is seen under it. It was irritated and red, obviously very new, it looked like someone had scratched up his arm. No, not someone, him. And just as this happened, Kaneki hastily pulled down his sleeve, and shied away.

Hide didn't know what to say, he was scared, stressed, and at a complete loss for words. He felt pathetic, he couldn't even confront his best friend about something as serious as this. All he could muster out was a quiet 'Are you alright?'. Kaneki looked back to him, his eyes clouded, and mumbled yet again,

"I'll be fine."

Hide decided he hated those god awful words.

\---

It's been 24 hours since then, and Kaneki didn't go to school today.

Hide decided it's time to confront him, it was only going to get worse if he didn't and he couldn't bare seeing his friend so obviously upset. After school was over, Hide sent him a quick text telling him that he would be visiting his house and that he was on his way. He's only ever been to Kaneki's house a few times before, he wasn't allowed to anymore. He's had a few run ins with his aunt, and to be frank, she was the spawn of satan. Kaneki didn't like to talk about her much, but he knew enough about her from what he told him and the few encounters they shared. She threw away his books, belittled him, and just treated him badly. Hide tried to be the person there for Kaneki, since it was obvious she wasn't.

Not waiting for a response, Hide made his way to his friends. The blond felt anxious about all of this, what was he going to say? How would he react? There wasn't much time to think about it, before he knew it, he was right in front of their door.

He took a deep breath, and knocked three times on the door. He stood there for a minute or two, wondering if nobody heard, then heard the door creak open. Kaneki stood there, still in pyjamas, staring at the other. Puzzled, he opened the door wider, and in a very raspy, tired voice, told him to come in.

Hide took his hand and went in the direction of where he remembered his room to be located. They entered and he closed the door behind them. It was a small room, very plain and simple, 'Probably because his aunt never lets him do anything' Hide mused. He sat on his friends bed, and attempted to chat with him.

"Hey man, not seeing you in school today kinda made me worried! How's everything going?"

"I.... just haven't been feeling that great the past few days, stressed about school and everything. Thanks Hide, but I'll be fine."

And there were those words yet again. Hide bit his lip, and motioned for Kaneki to sit next to him. He obliged, his head tilted in confusion.

"Kaneki, I don't want to hear you saying that again. I-I know you're not fine, I saw those marks under your sleeve, I just want to know what's going on."

He instantly looked down upon hearing that, not wanting to face Hide. He felt shame, embarrassment, and worst of all, weakness. He felt a hand on top of his, making him jump and look up. Hide looked genuinely upset, like he actually wanted to know what was wrong. It broke Kaneki's heart to see that. He sat closer to Hide, still gripping his hand, and told him.

"I'm sorry Hide, it's my fault. I'm so tired of being so useless, so weak, so unwanted. I don't deserve someone like you, I don't deserve anyone. I'm so sorry for being so horrible."

The black haired boy was crying now, and Hide couldn't do much except take him into his arms, letting him say what he needed, and calm down. He rubbed his back and whispered how wonderful he is, how much he means to him, how smart he is. After a little while, the crying was reduced to quiet sniffles, and Kaneki was able to pick himself back up, apologizing for the outburst.

Hide held his hands, looking at the scratches covering the otherwise pale skin. He touched the healing wounds, lightly skimming over them, and brought his arms to his lips. He left a kiss on each arm, then left one on Kaneki's still damp cheek.

"Kaneki, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and it kills me to see you this way. I know it's hard, but please don't hurt yourself. Whenever you feel like this, text me, call me, I don't care, I'll do whatever you need me to. I love you, okay?"

The room was almost completely silent, but Hide could have sworn he heard the other say 'I love you too.'

**Author's Note:**

> i've been feeling horrible and i needed to vent so i'm sorry if this isn't very good, it's mostly just me getting junk out so i don't bother others by venting to them.
> 
> thanks for reading, constructive criticism is welcome.


End file.
